This page is almost completely black just because.
Just because I can would be my guess.
Perhaps I'm doing what comes naturally.

Here goes nothing.

I've made several attempts at writing this page, with varying degrees of success. As this is almost a complete rewrite, it is safe to assume I haven't been satisfied with previous versions of the aforementioned. I probably never will be, explaining the stupefaction, the atrocities, the general state of discontent I experienced is one thing I may never be able to do. And I would look back on the good times, but with full knowledge of how tainted those were I'd rather lose them.

I did learn a few things along the way, though. Life, regardless of the circumstances will find a way to kick you around a bit. And with that useless speck of wisdom, I'll let you get back to your miserable existance.

11/12/97 As of today, I decided that the drastic change page is not done. Well, I realized it, rather. It was silly of me to think that change can be contained, or that one can achieve ANY closure.

These paragraphs. Meanderings of the mind, while inconsequential machines and beings scuttle about.. make me wonder.

12/23/97 The ripple continues. A tidal wave of change goes on and I can't even tell if it begins or ends within me. As usual, I continue, unmoved, only slightly concerned. I go on.

12/30/97 Apathy. A will is a terrible thing to waste. Unless one intentionally gives in. Perfidious brains.

02/04/98 Turmoil. Not just a state of mind, a way of life!

02/08/98 The nature of irrevocable change is such that it expresses itself throughout most if not all of the human condition (life, that is). It's simply a matter of whether or not one makes the choice to be aware of it.

03/14/98 Personal websites seem to be as a rule the most futile exercises of self-relected vanity I can think of right now.

04/06/98 Happiness no longer seems to flow like a rapid stream.

06/09/98 About decadence, I don't see much point in it. Light, carefree we agree, but although not necessarily empty, it's not enough for me. Besides, stoicism has more style

07/04/98 Atonement is hard to attain, specially from oneself, specially through a layer of cynicism and catholic inspired guilt.

07/13/98 I need something I can't attain and I'm a bit old for angst. What would I do?

07/17/98 I think my condition is both personal and so very terminal.

08/19/98 Pity isn't becoming, specially when one isn't used to it. Perhaps it's time for a breakdown, a shakedown of sorts. See how much control still remains and come out clean on the other side.

09/14/98 It was the best of times, the goofiest of times. And so it came to be that one destined for eternal gloom would turn on all that was dear and defy standards once again.

09/30/98 And even as I rejoice I wonder. I need to be.

10/13/98 Finally time alone with my thoughts. I miss my thoughts, quite frankly. As of late I have been overenjoyed which makes it difficult for one so used to constant strife.

11/11/98 This perspective, this plane.. is a bit too physical for my taste.

12/22/98 Hiatus in progress. Try to make DIFFERENT mistakes this time, please.